Sunday, May 24, 2009

Top 5 jobs I could never do

1. Pedicurist. I love going to one, but I honestly couldn't work as one, it's just plain gross. Every time I go, she tells me such horror stories of guys who have been walking for weeks with a bottle cap carved into their sole, or this one guy, who had to have his whole leg amputated, because he'd just let his "cut" get a little too deep. I give a big up to pedicurists, who can actually take a foot at its worst in their hand, look at it closely and touch it every day, and call that their career.

2. Border Control. Deciding which asylum seeker has to go back to their miserable life running for their life is maybe the most horrible situation I could imagine. I'd just let everyone through, and we all know what hell that would raise.

3. Yellow Press. Making a living out of making up superficial shit of people who no-one really should care about, and destroying their reputations, seems maybe like the biggest waste of breath I can think of.

4. Shop girl at Fragrance Department. The smell makes me dizzy.

5. News reporter. I can't keep a straight face, I can't help laughing at peoples mistakes, and I humiliate myself on a regular basis, so you can imagine what a mess that would be. Just check out this video.

Now how 'bout you? All angry pedicurists, please post your top fives!


Señor Karpo said...

TOP 3:

1. It would really suck to be a banana. You might be separated from your family any given moment by extreme force, then stripped naked and finally eaten! Such a horrible destiny you wouldn't hope to even your worst enemy.

2. Any kind of superhero. It would be so embarassing to have ultimate powers too see into the future and all, but then just forget things you had to do. "Oh crap, forgot the girl who is about get run over by a bus" Ofcourse you might also have the superpower of memory, but it would ruin this idea, so I'll just ignore it.

3. Rain. When you come to a place, everyone tries to pull off these fake smiles and say the most pretendous things like "well, it's good for nature" But deep inside you know that they all hate you and are just waiting for the sun to come back.

avara maiju said...

Si, señor. And those poor bastards probably don't even get paid. :(

Just as I said 'I never'... I should've known better, and not said anything... I always end up eating my words! (The same thing happened, when I said I'd never do long-distance relationships and ended up madly in love with a guy from across the world.) Well now it's about the friggin top 1: Being a pedicurist! EEEEOW, my boyfriend suddenly developed some gross rash on his foot and shoved it to my face yesterday, and I had to clean it up. I know, you love reading this stuff, right! ;)