Friday, May 08, 2009

Nightlife in Finland

Clubbing in Finland is tough... it's expensive and sadly homogenous. It's hard to find alternatives, mainly because Finland is one big bad night club owned by one guy: Sedu Koskinen. This little dude resembles a certain other small but dreadful leader in the history of Europe known for his dictatorship and horrible actions. Sedu wishes to take over all the night clubs of Finland to create himself a kingdom where everyone dances when he says so. His clubs are all made with the same basic business-idea: serve everything to everyone. That, in my mind basically equals 'nothing for nobody', but apparently it's good enough for most people.

"Get me out of here", she said.

Sedu's competitors get tired of him buying them off. He owns 10 clubs just in Helsinki, and many more in over 20 cities in Finland. Seriously, there aren't enough inhabitants in Finland for other clubs. I suggest, just like in bars they stop serving drunk people, they should start regulating the sales of restaurants for this guy. "Sir, you've had enough."

Places worth checking out yeah!

Thank god for some feisty individuals though, who still offer something different for the more demanding folk. Examples of cool alternatives worth checking out are: Redrum and Cuba Cafe. The previous usually offers electronic music, the latter one offers you a personal Jesus for 1500 €. Also some traditional karaoke bars like Yökyöpeli and Pata-Ässä are always packed with passionate Finns interpreting their feelings at the darkest hour.

Cuba is a happy place. (Erottajankatu 4, Helsinki)

Dubrovnik is a cosy, funky place with live music.

Top 5 worst nightclubs in Finland

1. Royal Onnela, Helsinki: 'the Mall' of nightclubs. 8 rooms with different versions of mainstream music in over 2000 sqm. I went there once, saw 3 guards hitting a guy on the floor with a telescopic baton, wished I'd been that guy.

2. Tiger, Helsinki: another version of Sedu's black and silver curvey decorations, black marble counters and rnb-hits from two years ago.

3. Diva, Lahti: 4 dancefloors of bullshit with some rapper grinding you like a dog. Apparently this isn't owned by SK yet, but it's all the same. Used to be the only young people's night club in Lahti until Sedu came in and didn't change a thing.

4. Onnela, 12 cities in Finland - need I say more? I used to go here ALOT when it was still somehow under control. Now I'd just rather stay home.

5. Hotelli Vantaa, Vantaa: this one I totally recommend! It's a must-see for people willing to see some Finnish culture at its finest. You have a manic mixture of karaoke, teen agers and seniors, a hotel room and breakfast for something like 50 euros. If you don't get a chance to go on the Sweden-boat, go here!

Silver frames and a hostess dancing on the bar in sponsored jeans. Royal Onnela, Helsinki.

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