Tuesday, August 18, 2009

no time for nonsense

I've disappeared. I went on a creative break. And now I'm back with nothing (except pictures of tattooed barbies and a japanese cat waving her paw in a mexican wrestling-mask). I'm empty. It's the first time I'm writing so that it feels like eating porridge.

The problem is that all my energy goes to trying to find my focus. I'd like to settle down with a nice job and have some time to write on the side. A nice job, nothing else, no ambition, just nice. I'm too busy doing 3 sad little jobs that don't really pay me much anything, just because I'm so keen on developing myself, learning, and finally finding something better while making a living meanwhile. I wish I could just take a shower and go to 1 job every day, like Rene does. He's happy and he has time for watching "Scrubs" and such nonsense. I'd like my life to be like that.

1. My main job is mostly folding hoodies 43 times a day. Although folding hoodies really isn't hard, especially with my 5-year-hoodie-folding-experience, just try doing it in German, and it becomes goddamn hard. My boss looks at me like a child all day, 'cos the language still remains so difficult for me, that it makes me behave like a nervous retard. I still do it, basically 'cos I hope that I will eventually learn, and that will keep me from being nervous ever again.

2. My other job is writing, of which most is for free. The free stuff is taking alot of time from the 'real' writing jobs. It's fun, though, but I've heard, that is no-good in the society we live in. I'm doing it, so I'd find more jobs. So far it's working out OK. Keep your fingers crossed, and I'll tell you more later.

3. The cake-business. It's great fun and an OK income, but the summer is bound to be over soon, and people don't hang out in parks anymore. It's been a great experience, though, and given me faith in entrepreneurship.

Last Sunday in Mauerpark. Sam and crippled Rene came along! :)

I was the only one last time in this area, and now everybody was selling stuff there!

My youngest customer. I swear I didn't threaten him with the cookie monster, he just ate the bun like it was the last thing he'd eat! Or then he just hated it. What do you think of the look on his face?

The problem is, that now I can't focus on anything. People tell me to focus. What should I focus on? My gut says nothing. They say I should focus my blog more on fashion, I should find what I'm good at, or what interests me most. Well the thing is, firstly, everything interests me! I can't separate anything, 'cos I get excited about everything. Secondly, I'm OK at anything I do, but not especially great in anything that would actually bring food to the table. You see, I can fold many hoodies, bake nice cupcakes and write about whatever, but that's hardly a living. I would make a great housewife though.

Please help.


yvet said...

Glad you're back hon! =) And I'm glad you're not focused, cause that's what makes your blog so much fun! So please do not focus right now (for your loyal readers' sake) and then by not focussing you'll probably just bump into the thing you're good at and want to focus on and then we'll all be happy!

rene said...

i agree wit yvet. fuck those fashion blogs. give people sth new, sth that not every 18 year old girl wit a camera and shit loads fo free time is doin. i like your blog a lot. i think u'll get somewhere with this. little by little u'll get more readers. btw... lovely pic bout cripple-me. and remember: smile if you are gay hehe

Jenna said...

I agree with Yvet! :) The thing that makes you you and such a perfect you, is the fact that you aren't focused on anything but everything that happens and exists around you! :) I'd love to be more like you...getting inspired by the smallest and simplests and sweetest things..usually those kind of things that without you here I'd propably just not notice at all!
I just wish you could co-exist in Finland and in Germany at the same time! :D And don't be sad about your language-difficulties there 'cause your english is anyways so god damn perfect! :D
You'll find your place...I know it...just like I know someday I'll find mine... :) <3

avara maiju said...

Yvetje, Mokka-pupu and Jensu-my-man: i'm so happy i asked! that was the best advice ever. THANK YOU so friggin much. :) i seriously love you guys. and i now kinda like not-being-focused again!

Yvet, everybody agrees with you, so I gotta listen ;) and i'm so gay right now (not just in the 'gay means happy'=smiling way). All I still need to do is to duplicate myself to the Finnish paraller universe. God, if that were possible, for my birthday, please, that would make me such a happy kid. Finland is seriously the best thing that ever happened to me besides Berlin, Rene and everyone so friggin sweet around me.

kiss kiss kiss

Meri said...

kato ny, kaikki on hulluna suhun. Älä ainakaan Avara Maijua jätä, vaikka päättäisitkin fokusoitua joskus. Fokusoidu muualla, mut älä Avara Maijussa!

avara maiju said...

voi ihanuus. kiitos :) mut eräs tuntemamme liikemies kannustaa mua fokusoitumaan, enkä mä vaan suoraan sanottuna tiiä mihin haluisin fokusoitua. koska toi muoti ei oikeen ehkä pelkästään oo ihan tarpeeks mun juttu... mut sillee bisnesmielessä se on ihan oikeessa. ah, pitää miettii.

Jatta said...

Voi muru-murmeli - tuli hirmuinen ikävä sua, kun olis niin paljon sulle kerrottavaa, joten kahlasin sun fb-sivut ja avara maiju-blogin läpi ja rupesin kahmimaan näitä sun kirjotuksia ja kuvia - oot vaan kyllä ehkä maailman ihanin mussu! Ja höpö, sä tiedät myös mun mielipiteen tuosta fokusointi-asiasta. Oon niin ehdottomasti sitä mieltä, että on rohkeaa ja siis sitä kautta juuri ehdottomasti ainut oikea tapa elää, kun tekee juuri niitä asioita, mitkä ovat oikeasti itselle tärkeitä ja mistä nauttii! Oon menossa itse vähän siihen suuntaan, vihdoinkin...:)!

avara maiju said...

uuuuuuuuuuuu kuulostaa jänskält. sä oot aika salamyhkänen stalkkeri :) kiitos hanipallero. oon ehkä hieman huolissani siitä, miten kovasti oot käyttänyt aikaa mun tutkimiseen. tuu nyt jo saksaan, ni pääset iholle asti!